Late night thoughts.
Haha, but really.
I don't write my thoughts on my blog very often, I usually write pretty dry, boring "this is my life" sort of stuff. Buuuut I've been thinking a lot and for some reason I really want to write about this topic: Being a 21 year old LDS girl and being single.
Twenty-one. You're finally an actual adult (18 doesn't count. You can't even buy alcohol). Being LDS, 21 years old for a boy means that you're probably just coming home from your mission. Being 21 for someone that isn't LDS/Mormon, means you can now drink (legally), and you're probably looking to graduate soon, get an internship, do something completely random... and probably even start your career. Being a 21 year old LDS female means that you are probably married.... and should maybe even start thinking about having some kids.
Disclaimer: For all of you girls that are 21 (or younger) and are married... I'm not a hater. Most of my really good friends are now married, and in all honesty, I could not be happier for them. Getting sealed to your best friend for forever is an amazing gift/accomplishment. And I'm happy you've found that special someone.
Also, this post is me rambling, so you can skip to the end where I have compiled a summary if you'd prefer.
This past year has been weird for me.
My family has started making jokes about signing me up for the Mormon Bachelorette....
So many people keep asking me, "so... you seem like a put together, normal girl, why don't you have a boyfriend."
Okay. I usually take that one of two ways.
1. You are asking me what is wrong with me... because if I was "normal," I'd be well on my way towards my goal of eternal progression
2. You are being just the sweetest, and think I should have been swept up by now.
Well. First, being single really isn't the worst thing in the world. Trust me. Second, I've never really felt weird about not having a boyfriend. I don't want to sound arrogant, or conceited, but I know I could have forced someone to love me if I really wanted to ;) But after having that question asked to me so many times... I started thinking about it more...
No, nothing is wrong with me. And I don't really feel the need to explain why I don't/haven't had a boyfriend, because ultimately, I love the way Heavenly Father is leading my life. I wouldn't change any of my experiences or choices and I have complete faith in his plan for me. I know I'll meet the right boy when it's supposed to happen. It won't have to feel rushed or forced. I think a lot of kids at BYU (who aren't married) get ready to leave or graduate and just panic. And try to force or rush something.... WHAT AM I GOING TO DO AWAY FROM THIS PLETHORA OF POTENTIAL FECS (future eternal companions).
Really though... the worst thing you can do is rush into a decision that is going to last for... oh, just the rest of eternity.
I mean, what if the person turns out to be a complete psycho.... well that sucks. You are married. Not only married but sealed. That isn't really something to take lightly. You can't just break up.
Having a relationship is great... I mean, I'm not a pro. I haven't had a boyfriend for a little while... but I've dated quite a bit. And it's cool to find someone you just gets you. I'm not opposed to having a boyfriend or settling down. It just hasn't been right yet. And I'm not about to force it.
Being LDS, and going to BYU, in all honestly, there is a big pressure to get married. It isn't a bad thing, at all. But it's there, and it's really really hard for some people. Interesting to watch how people handle it/talk about it.
It's okay to talk about, complain about... whatever. Because let's be real, most students at BYU think about getting married and hopefully most people are dating... which ultimately leads to getting married.... but I just feel so sad for the people who get so worked up about it.
I've met way too many girls that are honestly just distraught. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!?" "I'm never going to get married" "I'm not pretty enough, or funny enough, or smart enough"
and then there's the, "eveeeeryoone is married but me."
Okay, I'm guilty of having said that but when you think about it. Everyone isn't married. Sure, 50% of BYU's graduating class last year was married, but that means 50% wasn't.
Some of my friends even with boyfriends feel the pressure. They can't break up with them because... then what. Go on a mission? Leave BYU not married? What will I ever do with my life if this doesn't work out right now. I can't be alone... even though I know it isn't right. Even one guy that I talked to would talk about his girlfriend like.. "yeah, she keeps pressuring me to get married, I just don't really know. I'm not that excited about it." (they got married four months later) Freak. If my boyfriend said that about me....... I'd hope he'd break up with me. Be excited? Too much to ask?
The other thing that really gets me is hearing parents talk about it. I was listening to a conversation the other day about a mom talking about her two daughters. The older one was in DC and had started her career, and the younger daughter had recently got married. It went something like: "Yes! We couldn't be happier for [younger daughter], her and her husband are doing great and are absolutely the cutest." "And [older daughter] is doing great. She's so smart. She's got a lot going for her. We are really hoping and praying that she just finds someone.... I don't know what is wrong."
What the heck? It's funny since I'm an accounting major, so I know a couple of really awesome girls that have graduated and are moving to start their careers. Almost all of them are not opposed to settling down, but are a little intimidated to leave Provo not married.
It's kind of sad that when girls graduate and start careers, and aren't married, a lot of LDS people think what a shame... or that they are some big career power seeking woman and that they shouldn't be doing that. Really? They are doing such cool things. They just haven't found the right guy, cut them some slack.
In the end, I don't really know what the point was to this post... I mostly just rambled. But let me sum up what I was trying to say.
1. It's okay to be single. It's okay if it takes a little bit longer to find that special someone. Have a little bit of faith in Heavenly Father's plan for you. My favorite scripture, (which has been my favorite since my sophomore year of high school) Proverbs 3:5-6, just gets me every time. To sum it up: Trust in the Lord, and he's got your back. He will direct your path. He has a plan for everyone.
2. Do not try to force something. This is a pretty big decision. Be smart about it.
3. Never ever settle. Find someone that makes you better. That challenges you. That makes you excited about life. But at the same time, don't be too picky either... The grass isn't always greener on the other side.
most of all....
4. Please girls (and guys I guess), don't ever feel like you aren't good enough. Nothing is wrong with you. Just because someone else is on another path doesn't mean that your path isn't right for you. Everyone's plan is different. Your time will come. If you want a relationship, or to get married. Go out. Meet people. Try to find it. If you're doing your part, Heavenly Father will do his. (easier said than done right :))
Good luck to every one out there looking for that special someone. Love is a battlefield. Go on and fight your little hearts out.
PS. School starts in two weeks? What? Crazy how time flies. Crazy that I'm a senior in college. I can't wait to see what this year has in store.